"Could I ask a question?" I asked them.  The Pidgin came to an abrupt halt as they eagerly switched to English.  I told them my daughter had confided in me that a man is interested in her.  But I'm a white lady from America.  No matter how many years I live here in Cameroon, I still don't know all there is to know about the culture.  How should a good Cameroonian mother respond in this situation?  I am so thrilled she came to me before anyone else.  So honored to be a part of her joy from the beginning.  But I don't want to slip up and do something wrong in ignorance.  I don't want my daughter to miss out on any tiny part of what should normally be happening.  HELP!  

Twelve ladies jumped in with both feet and taught me the ABCs of marrying off a daughter.  First of all, my girl did right in talking to me first.  And my job right now is to discover who this man is.  Who is his family?  What are the family secrets?  Any skeletons that would make marriage impossible?  This is a big responsibility and I need the help of the rest of our family.  Very soon my daughter needs to inform Papa Jim and our sons.  Together we will do the investigation.

Next step is already underway.  We need to meet this man before things advance too far.  Without realizing I was doing the right thing, I had already told her we had to meet him soon.  He's coming over on Nov. 4th or 5th.  And we will interrogate him.  But in a nice way.

Then comes "knocking on the door" which he is telling her will take place in November or December.  That's when we get to present he and his family representatives with the dreaded bride price list.  And of course when all items on the bride price list have been assembled, we will have the paying of the bride price ceremony at our house.

Sometime before the wedding, I will have the all important mother/daughter talk about being a good wife.  I am also expected to set up her kitchen for her.  Buy her pots and pans and all sorts of other kitchen things.

 

When it comes to the actual wedding itself, I am very insignificant.  I'll just blend into the background.  It is the groom and his bride's day.  I have no role to play.

And when God blesses them with a baby, my role is BIG and very important.  Either my daughter comes back home to live with me the final month of pregnancy and stays with me through the birth and first month of the babies life, or I will go and live with her for those two months.  I will be the all important one, hovering over her, teaching her all there is to know about delivery and taking care of a newborn.  I will teach her how to bathe the baby, how to change diapers, and everything else there is to know.  Then I will take my daughter and her first baby back to her husband's home and turn her over to him, or I will return back home to my husband.  With subsequent babies, it is assumed that I have trained her well and she does not need so much help.

May God give me the grace to pull this off well!